As is usual in situations when time is at a premium, my route was littered with the obligatory 38 tonners doing 40MPH,several tractors a la trailers doing about 20-25, and the occasional "Sunday Drivers" who, due to their belief that you can only enjoy a drive at under 50mph, will happily sit behind affore mentioned lorries/tractors for miles on end without seizing any oppertumity to overtake, no matter how safe it is!.After finally working my way through the rolling road block that is the A17/A617, I arrived at my first port of call, Kings Mill Hospital, and there I had 2 jobs to do.The first job was to manufacture a number plate out of (this sounds like a blue peter project doesn't it ?) a piece of yellow card,a laminating sleeve,a black marker pen and some artistic licence !. After that was completed I then located an item that had been left at the Dept for me by Peter from the ITC Dept (Thanks Peter!).....mored of that later :-)
After getting back to the car i then discovered that my bubble machine had tipped over in the boot and had not only emptied its entire contents of soap suds into the carpet, but this had also now left me needing to locate some more mixture for use in the parade. I decided to detour to the local Tesco xtra store.
"We only sell bubble mixture in summer" the lady at Tesco's told me!......."Why" i asked, "don't people blow bubbles in winter?".We left the store and stopped only to top up the fuel tank which was reading a little low.
We arrived at Mansfield Woodhouse at approx 11:05, and immediately went to my parents house to give Scarlett a quick wash as during the trip over from Sleaford she had aquired an awfully dirty coat of filth.
My parents had already left to go to the house down the road that is the storage location for Santa's sleigh, and due to that fact i had no access to my dads pressure washer.....damn!.
Looking around the back yard I found a bucket of rainwater which i took, dropped in a small amount of car wash liquid (which i had in the boot luckily) and then performed the worlds quickest handwash !.
Once the car was presentable we drove the few hundred yards down to Snata's secret transport storage depot (a garage on Rose Lane...whoops...it's not secret anymore!), at which point we hitched up the sledge and after a quick systems check (lights!) we drove over to the carpark of the Greyhound pub our pick up point for Saint Nick.
Unfortunetly Santa was not present at this location when we arrived, but after sending off a scout (my dad) to locate said Mr Claus he arrived a few mins later in his civis and using his "Off duty" name of Bill!.
One slight problem which was noted at this point was that "Mini Me" ,my son who was dressed as a raindeer with flashing nose, became slightly suspicious of the bloke who claimed to be Santa, so we sent him off with his sister to have a five minute walk around the shops on the high street and hey presto, when he arrived back,Bill had gone, but a rather convincing Santa was now sat in his sleigh!. Just as I was quietly congratulating myself as having pulled a master stroke of desception n convincing Mini me of the arrival of the "real" Santa, he looked at me as only a 6 year old can and said "It's OK dad, I know it's not the real Santa 'cos I saw the suit in his Morrisons plastic carrier bag.......damn, i had been rumbled !.
Not to lose this battle of whits I came out with a corker of a reply,"Actually Andy it IS the real Santa, but...well you know how Spider man and Super Man only dress in their "Super" clothes when in action? Well Santa is the same, he only gets his red gear on when on duty...otherwise people would be forever stopping him and putting in never ending requests for presents!.....
"Mmmmm....., i never thought of that dad........but don't worry, i won't tell anyone else that this is THE Santa....we'll keep it just between ourselves!". Sorted ! :-)
After dressing myself up into a passable copy of the STIG from BBC top gear (this was what the package was that Peter had left for me at my Dept!) we started the engine.....and waited.
The parade came past the entrance to the Greyhound carpark, and we slid gracefully into the back of it,lights on,Stig at the wheel and Santa doing a fine job waving to the kids along the way.
10 mins later we arrived at Turner hall and parked up.Santa left the sleigh, i cahnged back into my civvies (after a struggle with the catch on the helmet!) and we then set up the charity table selling Chritmassy bits and bobs for Leukaemia Research (we made £60).
We arrived back home at 8pm after a smashing fish supper from the Chippy on Vale Road...very nice!, and that,as they say, was that...until next year perhaps :-)
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