So what happens when engineers get a sense of humour ?

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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance ground-crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

* Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
* Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

* Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
* Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

* Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
* Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
* Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
* Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

* Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
* Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

* Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
* Solution: "Evidence removed."

* Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
* Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

* Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
* Solution: "Live bugs on order."

* Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
* Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

* Problem: "IFF inoperative."
* Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

* Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
* Solution: "That's what they're there for."

* Problem: "Number three engine missing."
* Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Having spent 12 years as an airframes technician in the RAF I can relate well to many of these replies :-)

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