So what happens when engineers get a sense of humour ?

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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance ground-crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

* Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
* Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

* Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
* Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

* Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
* Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
* Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
* Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

* Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
* Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

* Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
* Solution: "Evidence removed."

* Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
* Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

* Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
* Solution: "Live bugs on order."

* Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
* Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

* Problem: "IFF inoperative."
* Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

* Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
* Solution: "That's what they're there for."

* Problem: "Number three engine missing."
* Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Having spent 12 years as an airframes technician in the RAF I can relate well to many of these replies :-)

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Student Essays.When you really want to be descriptive...but fail badly !

These are genuine excerpts from essays submitted by students.....as Neil from the young ones once famously said, "most metaphors won't stand close examination"...these look shaky from several nautical miles :-)

• Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
• His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
• McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
• Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
• Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.
• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
• He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
• Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
• The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
• John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
• The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
• The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
• Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
• Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
• The plan was simple, like my mate Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
• The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.
• "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.
• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
• Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
• She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
• The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
• The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
• The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
• It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
• She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
• She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.
• She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
• Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
• It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Well, my sides split like a frog blown up with a straw when I read these...how about you ?

(courtesy of the Jardmail website...thanks for the smiles guys!)

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Its a small world...full of coincidences !

Surfing around the web the other day on the lookout for any old posts that I made about Scarlet's first charity outing named "Roc Around the Clock" in 2007, I happened upon a headline which seemed strangely ironic.....

"Songwriter James Myers, 81, who cowrote the 1955 rock and roll anthem "Rock Around the Clock," succumbed to leukemia on May 10 in Fort Myers, Fla. Myers estimated that he made $10 million in royalties.... "

Its a funny old world isn't it ?

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The story of how Scarlet the Scirocco came to be a charity fundraiser...

The following link will give you an idea about the story of how Scarlet the "Scirocco (Almost) to Morocco" car, almost ended up in a scrap yard, but instead she was given a second chance by someone's kind donation.....an analogy of many peoples fight with Leukaemia really ! :-).

The car was given to us in June 2007 by a fella named Steve who lived in Leicester. Funnily enough (or strangely enough perhaps!),Steve's daughter had suffered from, but beaten,Leukaemia many years before, and thus it came to pass that one afternoon in 2007 I went over to Leicester and took possession of what is now perhaps the best known Scirocco in history !

Now, a potted history of the story so far......

2007 Challenge was "Roc Around the Clock".This was completed and raised over £1500 for Leukaemia Research.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRPFa_lTvck (this video shows the car as it was when donated to my care in June 2007)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xfu5Irn_V4&feature=related (Documents a few jobs on the exterior to get hr looking a little nicer!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuzcanWJiTw&feature=related (Interior cleaned and graphics applied to car)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9ib8loKeTE&feature=channel (The 24 hour challenge video.35 hospitals visited and photographed in 24 hours..on a bank holiday!)

The 2008 challenge was a little more ambitious !

For a start we had a car and a trailer (made from second Scirocco!). And this time we aimed to get to Africa !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHztZv-zurE (An overview of the challenge and recap of the previous one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp_ho8KYwgY (Rob Sissons from BBC East Midlands Today comes to do an interview!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEjAFjryZdc (Visit to BBC Radio Nottingham on the John Holmes show)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsKjXdiJOEM&feature=channel (A trailer (no punn intenede!) for the forthcoming video documenting our little trip !

And now in 2010 we are off again, but this time we are going to do some promotion for the Leukaemia Research Charity to document their change of name to Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research and also to celerate their 50th anniversary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGQD1hLcc7c&feature=channel (the owners club video to promote the 2010 meeting event at RAF Cosford in July)

Not bad for a car destined for the scrap heap :-)

Cord Blood Donation Information.

Though about donating cord blood after the birth of your baby ? Want to know more about how to go about it ?

Cord blood is the blood that remains in the placenta and umbilical cord after a baby is born. It is rich in stem cells, which can help to cure many life threatening diseases.

The stem cells found in cord blood restore the function of the patient’s immune and blood producing systems. It is an alternative to using bone marrow, with the advantage of being immediately available when required.

Following the birth of a baby, the placenta and umbilical cord are usually thrown away along with these life saving stem cells.

To view the NHS Cord Blood Bank Website please click HERE.

This is a relatively new procedure, but more hospitals are to be involved in the near future.

Another day,another scam...

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It seems that the emails offering yet more "help me to launder some cash" requests are coming thick and fast now.No sooner have I had the the offer the other day, then this popped into the in-box today!

Anyway, for your amusement (and protection!) here is the latest offering......

" Greeting from Burkina Faso ,

This brief introductory letter may come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners.

I am Mrs. Daini Kabori, currently Head of Corporate affairs with a reputable bank here in Burkina Faso , West Africa . And would like to enter into a confidential business deal with you upon your acceptance to co-operate with me I will let you know the details.

Thanking you in advance and waiting for your urgent reply.

Please contact me through my private email(dianikabori1@live.fr)
Regards

Mrs Diani Kabori "

Errrrrr....no thanks love, you keep the money for yourself and by the way...I hope the prison food is good when you get caught !.

My Valentine Apple !

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Kids noticed this on an apple in the fruit bowl today...can you see the heart ?
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Abdulla Akbari,Manager of the National Bank of Dubai (UAE) wants me to help him out!....

Received this in the S2M email today, crikey!, i am getting requests from all over the place these days...now its a bank manager who wants me to "squirrel away" a few million...So,what do we think ?


"
From: Abdulla Akbari
MANAGER National Bank of Dubai
Madinat Jumeira Branch
U.A.E
                                                               
Dear Friend,
 
Please kindly accept glad tidings. I must admit that I am elated to the fact that you have received my email, and reading through it in order to discover the possibility of partnering with me on a recent business opportunity that emerged just a month ago. First let me introduce myself, I am Mr. Abdulla Akbari, the branch manager of National Bank of Dubai (NBD), Madinat Jumeirah Branch, Dubai, United Arab Emirates.
 
On the 4th of June 2009 a High Net worth but now late client of mine named Luis Roberto Anastacio who was the President of Michelin in South America left Brazil enroute Dubai, United Arab Emirates for a business meeting with officials of my bank regarding his Fixed Deposit Account worth Eleven Million Eight Hundred and Ninety Eight Thousand United States Dollars ($11,898,000.00). He had invested the funds with us for a period of Four (4) years. The investment matured, and the client was contacted about the development. It was on his way to Dubai that the ill fated aircraft crashed along with all passengers on board.
 
During a recent process of account auditing and report rendition to the Financial Institutions regulatory body charged by the government of U.A.E to monitor activities of banks, it was discovered that the deceased had not declared any next of kin on the term deposit forms he had completed when the account was opened. Based on the findings, our bank commenced search and inquire for any possible relative or business associate of the deceased for the purpose of claiming the funds. But after exhausting the maximum mandatory search period of Thirty (30) days as required by the UAE banks and other financial instititutions regulatory act, without discovering any relative of the deceased (the only relative he had was his wife who accompanied him on the same ill fated trip), the bank is going to soon commence the process of remitting these funds to the coffers of the government treasury as unclaimed funds.
 
Such type of monies are utilized by the United Arab Emirates government to service any ancillary cost of running projects that have not been budgeted for in any given fiscal year. It is for this purpose that I am writing you to enable me present you as one of the Late Luis Roberto’s business partner who is supposed to be the rightful claimant to the Twelve Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($12,500,000.00) currently with held by my bank. The basic documents which you need to present to the officials of the bank can be availed to you through me, as the Branch Manager of the branch the account was opened in favour of the deceased.
 
I am currently not happy at all with my bank because they have withheld my salary and benefits for the past Thirteen (13) months, because of a loan I recommended to the management to be approved for a customer which later went bad, and deemed as impossible to recover. My wife and daughter have been suffering because of this singular act of my selfish bank, not even considering that I have a sick father suffering from Alzheimer’s disease to cater for. He has become a sorry sight because of my current financial situation.   
 
I am willing to agree on a mutually beneficial terms of sharing the fund between the two (2) of us. This is because; I will not be able to execute the funds transfer without the assistance of an outside partner. Therefore my need to partner with you is the most important part of this business transaction. You will require to open an account in your name (if you do not have one) where we shall have the funds transferred to. After which, we shall share the proceeds equally, and I can start life outside the United Arab Emirates.
 
Should you agree to partner with me on this venture (which I am hoping that you are willing), I shall write and guide you on the step by step process on what is expected of you. I want to state here clearly to you, that you shall not be exposed to any form of legal risk whatsoever to your personality. This is because I shall provide you with the knowledge and documents that will be required by the department charged with handling requests such as that of late Mr. Luis Roberto Anastacio.
 
I trust that I have made myself very clear as regards to what is involved, and what is required of you as a partner. Please I request you to kindly write back to me to enable me guide you on how we shall go about achieving success together.
 
Sincerely,
 
Abdulla Akbari "

Awwwww...bless him.....seems such a nice fella ! :-)

Keep watching this site for more cons being exposed !

Time for a bit of a giggle again now ! :-)

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Warning!.This is a SCAM.DO NOT REPLY TO THIS Email if you receive it.

I have had several of these sent to me via the Scirocco 2 Morocco email Address.They are FAKE.Do not fill in any personal details on the link to your bank.

Scumbags who send these toxic and sick "Phishing" emails should be strung up by the Bol..........Bloody well hung !

Tax Refund Notification    After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity, we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of 988.50 GBP. Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 2-3 days in order to process it. Click Here to submit you tax refund request Note : A refund can be delayed a variety of reasons, for example submitting invalid records or applying after deadline. Best Regards HM Revenue & Customs | © Crown Copyright | Terms & conditions | Privacy policy |

Japanese report on stem cell research

(Translated by Google Online Translation)


RIKEN announced that the Institute's Scientific Research Center immunological sensitivity of Ishikawa Fumihiko and small income, who originally formed a joint research team found 25 species present in leukemia stem cells, can cause the main elements of leukemia relapse. Based on this discovery, scientists are able to develop protect normal blood stem cells, leukemia stem cells only target of new drugs, in order to cure leukemia, from the liver cells provides a basis to proceed. The research is published in the February 3 the United States "Science Translational Medicine" magazine's online edition.

Acute myelogenous leukemia is mainly in the adults, a malignant cancer of the blood.Although to date has developed a variety of anti-cancer drugs, can be reduced or symptoms of leukemia cells to improve the results. However, in patients with recurrent disease will be until death, it is still the greatest difficulties the treatment of leukemia.

Research team in the previous study found that because of relapse of leukemia stem cells in the bone marrow in a special place, and thus have anti-cancer drug resistance.

To read more click HERE to go to the original webpage.

Leukaemia.Its not a good word to hear in any language,but here are a few translations for you !

And so, without further ado, here is a list of the various words for the disease in several languages.......yes,I really am running out of idea's today ! .....but it is very educational :-)

Afrikaans :   leucémie
Albanian:  leukimi
Arabic:  سرطان الدم
Belarusian: лейкемия
Bulgarian:  левкемия
Catalan:  leucèmia
Chinese: 白血病
Croatian: leukemija
Czech: leukémie
Danish: leukæmi
Dutch: leukemie
Estonian: leukeemia
Filipino: leukaemia
Finnish: leukemiasta
French:  leucémie
German:  Leukämie
Greek:  λευχαιμία
Haitian:  lesemi
Hebrew:  לוקמיה
Hindi:  ल्यूकेमिया
Hungarian:  leukémiát
Icelandic:  hvítblæði
Indonesian:  leukemia
Italian:  leucemia
Japanese:  白血病
Korean:  백혈병
Latvian:  leikēmija
Lithuanian:  leukemija
Macedonian:  леукемија
Malay:  leukemia
Maltese:  lewkimja
Norwegian:  leukemi
Persian:  leukaemia
Polish:  białaczka
Portuguese: leucemia
Romanian:  leucemiei
Russian:  лейкемия
Serbian:  леукемија
Slovak:  leukémia
Slovenian:  levkemijo
Spanish:  leucemia
Swahili:  leukaemia
Swedish:  leukemi
Thai:  โรค มะเร็ง ใน โลหิต
Turkish:  lösemi
Ukrainian:  лейкемія
Vietnamese:  ung thư máu
Welsh:  lewcemia
Yiddish:  לעוקאַעמיאַ


If you know any more translations for the word "Leukaemia" please let me know ! :-)

UK Body NICE Says Novartis, Bristol Cancer Drugs Too Expensive

The U.K.'s health-cost regulator said Tuesday it was unable to recommend two expensive cancer drugs fromNovartis AG (NVS) and one from U.S.-based Bristol-Myers Squibb Co. (BMY) for use within the state-run National Health Service in England and Wales.



The independent National Institute for Clinical Excellence, known by its acronym NICE, provisionally rejected Switzerland-based Novartis' Tasigna and U.S.-based Bristol-Myers Squibb' Sprycel for chronic myeloid leukaemia in patients who are intolerant to imatinib--an older Novartis drug whose brand name is Gleevec--saying evidence to support their effectiveness was "very poor" and their cost was "extremely high".
The independent agency also rejected Novartis's tumor treatment Afinitor as a second-line treatment for advanced kidney cancer in a draft ruling.
Commenting on Afinitor, NICE director Peter Littlejohns in a statement said "NHS resources are limited and NICE has to decide which treatments represent best value to the patient as well as the NHS. Although evidence implies that this treatment is clinically effective, there is limited data about how long it can extend life."
Turning to the body's decision not to recommend Tasigna and Sprycel, Littlejohns said that "we need to be sure they are effective. It would be heartening to hear that the pharmaceutical company manufacturers are prepared to share some of the very high cost of the drugs with the NHS."
NICE has previously struck deals with drug makers to cut the cost of treatments before recommending them for use in the National Health Service.

-By Sten Stovall, Dow Jones Newswires; +44 207 842 9292; sten.stovall@dowjones.com

Dear Dustbin man...sorry.... environmental disposal technician...... a request..

Dear Sir(s).

As it is I already sort out my rubbish for you before it goes in the bin,I then wheel out the bin from the rear of my house,up the drive, and place it a few feet from the curb for your convenience, then, after you have emptied it, I wheel it back down my drive to the rear of my home and place it in its designated place.

Is it too much to ask that you could at least put my emptied bins back somewhere within  10 yards on the spot I left it in ?

Thanks.

:-)

(Yes,there is a hint of sarcasm within this message!)
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Union slams Cadbury's shift to Poland as 700 jobs are cut

Unite, the manufacturing trade union, yesterday accused Cadbury Schweppes of behaving like an "asset-stripping private equity firm" following the company's announcement that it would shed 700 jobs by outsourcing chocolate production to Poland.

Cadbury said it planned to shut its factory in Keynsham, near Bristol, by 2010, with the loss of 500 jobs, while 200 further posts would go in Bournville, in the Midlands, at the plant where it has been producing chocolate for almost 130 years.

Much of the work done at the Keynsham and Bournville plants will be switched to the Polish company Wedel, which it acquired in 1998, Cadbury said, because labour and manufacturing costs would be much lower.

The announcement is particularly controversial because Cadbury has a long history of social engagement and community involvement, dating from the reformist attitudes of the Cadbury family, Quakers who founded the company in the 19th century. The Fry family, which merged their company with Cadbury in 1919, bringing the Keynsham operation into the business, came from a similar background.

This is yet another example of the way shareholders needs are put before that of the people who do a bloody good job for a company and are then treated like dirt for their efforts.

A company (which I shall not name here!) that I deal with through the NHS outsourced to Poland a few years ago and now we can't get spare parts for our patient beds with any sense of urgency, often waiting up to 6 MONTHS for anything to arrive!

KRAFT! Should change their name to Krafty.......cheeky gits.

To read the full story about this KRAFTY move, click HERE to visit the Independent Website.

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